The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
