It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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