take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
