its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
