remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
