Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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