I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
