ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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