I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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