Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
