What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
