I need help removing her.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
