i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
