You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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