Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
