ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
