dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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