I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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