Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
