I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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