Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As shirtless as possible
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
