Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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