Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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