chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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