Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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