Don't make out with my wife yet
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
high people should be assigned attendants
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
