I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize