I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
