last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
