I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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