i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
