Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
