So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
