There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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