he wants to bone in the snuggie
I met the friendliest cop last night
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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