i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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