Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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