I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
