Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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