Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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