Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
