And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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