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what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
