I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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