just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
