bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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