I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
