I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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