My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
