At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize