I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
