My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
