So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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