An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
