can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
