oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
