a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
