I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I came so hard my ears popped.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
