my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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