hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
