We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize