when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
