OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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